Often a new member is permitted by the spouse to bring the children to church, but not to let them get baptized. This is sometimes stressful for the child, especially if he is seven and all his friends are getting baptized. Often, teachers of these children spend a great deal of time talking about baptism, to help the children prepare, and to recognize their baptisms afterwards. There are lessons on keeping the covenants they made at baptism.
If your child won’t be allowed to be baptized, talk to him about it as soon as possible, so he isn’t expecting to be baptized on his birthday. Plan ahead how to do this so the other parent isn’t put in a bad light. Explain that when children’s parents both have the same religion, they naturally want their child to belong as well. However, when the parents don’t have the same religion, they sometimes choose to have the child make his own choice when he’s older. Tell him the age you and your spouse have agreed on.
Next, help him understand that Heavenly Father won’t be upset with him. We’re asked to be baptized, but we’re also told to honor our parents and the church doesn’t allow children to be baptized without the permission of both parents, so Heavenly Father will want him to wait. Some children have been able to convince the other parent to change his mind, but you’ll have to weigh the risks of encouraging your child to make this effort against the benefits. You don’t want your spouse to ease the stress by stopping the attendance to church.
Share with him the covenants made at baptism and show him that he can promise Heavenly Father in prayer to keep those same covenants, even though he can’t make them through baptism. He can live the gospel until he is able to be baptized, and can then make the formal covenant Heavenly Father has asked him to make. God knows the desire of his heart and will judge him accordingly.
Talk to the child’s Primary teacher and leaders so they are aware of the situation. Explain what you have told your child so they can build on that when the subject comes up in class. Ask them to emphasize what he can do rather than what he can’t do—not that they won’t continue to talk about baptism, but they can add in the information that you can keep those covenants even before you are baptized.
Help your child learn a simple explanation he can give to friends who ask about his baptism. There are many stories in The Friend (the children’s magazine) on this subject that you can share with him.
The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.
