I remember the day I got married. My husband was so handsome and I knew that I could never love any one more than I loved him then and that it was so right to marry him. After our sealing ceremony in the temple, we parted ways to go change clothing. When I saw my husband next, he was waiting for me in the lobby of the temple talking to one of my former roommates. She told me later that he had been in the middle of saying something but that when I walked in the room he completely lost track of what he was saying and just stared at me. I felt like a princess in my own private fantasy.
My mother-in-law used to get frustrated with us in those early days, because my husband and I had to do everything together. I felt like I couldn’t really function without him. Even just the simple task of running an errand to get the electricity turned on in our new apartment needed the attention of both of us, not just one of us.
I remember going to church while I was pregnant with our first baby sometime that first year and he was sitting with his arm around me. I felt perfectly at peace with him. I looked around at some of the other couples in the chapel and how they were so far away from each other. I decided then and there that no matter what, my husband was going to always sit beside me with his arm around me in church. We weren’t going to be like those other couples who seemed to have forgotten something.
And then, of course, life happened. And suddenly we had three children 3 yrs old and younger in the pew with us in the chapel. The best seating arrangement with our new family size and children those ages was for the parents to divide and conquer! Suddenly I knew that more important than having my husband by my side with his arm around me was to be busy taking care of a child or two! With our growing family, that showed much more love than physical proximity did.
And it only got worse. One Spring break, my husband’s sister and her new husband came to visit us. They had only been married a few months. I found it amusing that they were constantly touching each other, had to be sitting next to each other. Meanwhile, even after the kids went to bed, my husband and I were still sitting on the opposite ends of the sofa.
As I’ve thought about this over time, I’ve come to realize that it takes time after you are married to become one flesh (Mark 10:8). In the beginning, the best expression of that is possibly through physical closeness. In the case of my me and my husband, the reason we had to run all of our errands together was because I didn’t know what he would want in any given situation. And he didn’t know if I had a preference. So until to the other person to include them in even the most minor decisions.
As time has gone on, we know each other much more intimately and so I don’t have to ask his opinion all the time, because I know it. And then I can take that into consideration any time I need to make a decision without him. Sometimes we are physically close to each other (now that the kids aren’t all little and the big ones can help out) and sometimes not. But the emotional dependence and love is something that I can feel from him whether he’s across the room or across town. Sometimes I still prefer to sit on the other sofa when we are talking. Not because I wouldn’t like to be close to him, but just because I like to see the way he smiles while he’s talking.
The newlywed period is a wonderful time of discovery. I don’t usually find it amusing anymore to see the new couples as they figure it all out. I think it’s a sweet stage most couples go through. I think of all they have to look forward to when they get to the stage my husband and I are at. And then I look at the older couples around me and wonder how I am perceived and what I have yet to learn about marriage. It’s a wonderful journey and I can’t wait to find out. In the eternal scheme of things, I am still just a newlywed myself.
