Shortly after we were married, my husband and I discussed starting our family. We both wanted a large family we had talked about this before we even decided to marry. But suddenly, everything that had been theoretical before now had practical applications. I had grown up an only child raised by a single mother. I was a “latchkey kid” and was the only member in my family, having only been baptized into the Mormon church 4 years earlier. I really didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing or that I was ready for it.

One day in our Celestial Marriage class at the Institute, I was introduced to a talk given by President Ezra Taft Benson, “To the Mothers in Zion.” He talked about the importance of not postponing s. All these things I knew before I got married. But somehow this day, it really hit home what that meant to me personally. I freaked out.

I was on the verge of tears all day. I argued with my husband. I was upset because I felt like I was being told to stay home barefoot and pregnant which meant that all the effort I had put into my college education thus far was a waste and it was just obvious I should drop out now because it was costing us money for me to go to school and since I wasn’t going to have a career, we should save that money for something else and I should go home and wash my husband’s laundry and start making his dinner! I was definitely not at peace.

That feeling of rebelliousness lasted all day. I was so angry and unhappy. I’m sure that my new groom was wondering what on earth happened to his glowing bride. It must have been very distressing for him to see me like that—ranting and raving all day long. Finally, it was bedtime, but my anger was not spent yet. He offered to give me a priesthood blessing. With my emotional state being what it was, I’m surprised that I allowed it.

I don’t remember what was said to me in my blessing. But I do know that I was able to fall asleep quickly afterwards. And in the morning, I woke up refreshed. A change had happened in my heart overnight—a gift from God. Instead of being offended and upset at what I had read the day before, I felt a desire to have children and to stay home with them. The stumbling blocks of school and money that had seemed insurmountable the day before, I suddenly had a good plan for that would make it all work out. Soon we were pregnant.

Now I am pregnant again with my eighth child. Even during our darkest times of financial distress I have stayed at home with my children knowing that especially during those times of stress and struggle that it would cause more anxiety and be more disruptive to their lives to have me out of the home and away from them—even if it did bring in a little more money.

I have a five year old now who comes home from Kindergarten each day. As soon as he opens the door, he calls out and says, “Mom, I’m home!” And if I don’t reply immediately, he comes looking for me. I understand what President Benson meant when he said:

First, take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going–when they leave and return from school–when they leave and return from dates–when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen. In Proverbs we read: “A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Proverbs 29:15). Among the greatest concerns in our society are the millions of latchkey children who come home daily to empty houses unsupervised by working parents.

I was one of those latchkey children and I know what it felt like to come home to an empty house or to someone who wasn’t my mother. It is my privilege to be able to be there at the crossroads for my children, to be able to do their laundry and make their meals. Yes, I stay home with them and deny myself–during this season of life–some of the other pursuits I might have liked to have followed.

But the truth is that it gives me the greatest joy in my life to be able to answer my kindergartener with “Here I am! How was your day? Are you hungry for lunch?” I love giving him a big hug when he comes home and looking at the things he made in school. I love knowing that he knows where to find me. Right at home. Staying at home with my children has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Today I was re-reading President Benson’s talk. I don’t think I’ve read it again since that first time that it made me so angry. Today I found it so beautiful that it brought me to tears.