I know something about living in a part-member family. Actually, I know a lot about it!
If you’ve been a reader of this blog for some time, then you know that my husband is a convert. He didn’t become an official member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (informally known as the Mormon Church) until several years into our marriage. He was a permanent visitor for a long time before then and those of you in part-member marriages know what that means.
There are many strong women in the Church that are married to men who aren’t members of our faith. There are several in my ward alone. It is partly because of many conversation with them that I’m writing this today. As sisters in the gospel, they reached out to me knowing that I understood what they are going through. I hope that by sharing this today, I can help someone else in a similar situation.
Sisters, whatever you do, keep the faith! Know that you are not alone. There are many of us who are or were in your shoes. We understand the unique challenges you face. Whether you are newly married or have already been married for a number of years, keep the faith. By saying this, I’m making several assumptions that I hope apply in your situation as they did in mine.
I’m assuming that you are in a loving, nurturing, and respectful marriage. I’m assuming that you are dedicated to each other and to your children if you have any. I’m assuming that your spouse is open to the Spirit. My husband was and is a very spiritual man. He was raised in a family that believed in God.
My sisters, if this describes your relationship, then please, keep the faith. This wonderful man that you’ve chosen has to discover for himself if what you believe is true. Testimonies and true conversions come about differently for everyone. Some know it immediately after the seed of the gospel is planted while others take a little longer. True conversion is an intense and personal experience. Because it is so personal, it cannot be forced, and it may take longer than we’d like. We cannot force, but we can influence.
The best way to do that is to live our lives so that we can be shining examples of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This means keeping our covenants even when it may seem difficult to do so at times. A good example is keeping the Word of Wisdom. Teach the gospel at home to your children. If you aren’t able to attend Church as often as you’d like, sing hymns and Primary songs at home. Hold daily family prayers and Family Home Evenings. Read the Scriptures. Expose your children to the people of the Book of Mormon and the Bible. Go as often as you can to the temple. Take your family to your Ward’s (local Church unit) activities. There is no end to what you can do at home to foster the spirit of the gospel in the hearts of your children and your husband. Your examples of faith and adherence to the covenants that you’ve made will have an impact in your family.
President Thomas S. Monson (our living Prophet and President) shared a story of a woman he met in Australia. When he met them for the first time, this faithful woman, her nonmember husband, and two children lived in a small mining town. The sister and her two children were the only members of the Church in this town. There were no LDS meetinghouses close by so this sister taught Primary lessons at home to her children. Years later, on another visit to Australia, President Monson mentioned this family in a priesthood session. He shared a fond wish to someday learn how that home Primary went. He also mentioned how he’d love to meet the nonmember husband and father of this choice family. One of the men in the meeting stood up and said, “Brother Monson, I know Richard Louden, the husband of that good woman and father of those precious children. Prayer and Primary brought him into the Church.”
My dear sisters, do not give up hope. Do not lose the faith. Reach out to us, your sisters in Relief Society, whenever you need to. Let us know how we can help you. Your visiting teachers can be a great blessing in your life today. Fast and pray often. Ask those who are close to you to do the same. I know that my parents prayed and fasted unceasingly for my family. The influence of good friends and loving relationships in the gospel are also important.
Respect your husband and be patient with him. Love and honor him as he loves and honors you. If you are doing everything you need to, then leave the rest to God.
Here’s a link to an excellent article about part-member families.
