Joseph Smith, Jr. is the prophet of my heart. What I mean by that is I have studied the prophets, from Adam forward, and have come to love each in my own way. But with Joseph Smith I spent two solid years, fourteen hours a day, studying his life and times. When I say I picked his life and the time he lived in apart, I mean I really picked it apart!

On the matter of faith this beloved prophet said:

Mormon Jesus“God ruleth all things after the counsel of his own will. My trust is in him. The salvation of my soul is of the most importance to me forasmuch as I know for a certainty of eternal things. If the heavens linger, it is nothing to me. I must steer my [ship] safe, which I intend to do. I want you to do the same. Yours forever.” (Letter from Joseph Smith to Emma Smith, Mar. 21, 1839, Liberty Jail, Liberty, Missouri; Joseph Smith, Collection, Church Archives.)

For seven long years my husband has battled end stage renal failure . . . in other words, his kidneys failed him. Over the course of these years we have received great miracles and yet at other times felt so overwhelmed we could scarcely continue another day.

A few months ago we believed we’d found a donor for my husband. She was a childhood friend of my sister’s but circumstances arose in which she was unable to carry through with that desire. We were devastated. Over the last two years my sweetheart has weakened and my concern and anxiety levels rose accordingly. Our faith is strong, but even I was shaken at this point. I didn’t know what the Lord had in mind for us, but it was difficult for me to let Him “steer my ship safe.” I floundered for an evening and then picked myself up by my bootstraps and turned it completely over to the Lord.

A couple of weeks ago Alvin was in the hospital with a terrible fever, delirium, and then he went septic, in other words, the infection was in his blood. This is a very dangerous state, but one he has been in several times in the last two years. Yes, that makes for some exciting times in our life. For three days he was delirious, for two more he still wasn’t quite with it and on the morning of the sixth day he awoke and wondered why he was in the hospital.

During that hospital stay a very sweet woman Alvin and I have known since she was a teenager, and we were newly married, came to visit. She found out that the donor we’d believed to be the one had been disqualified because of Crohn’s Disease running through her family. She asked what was next and I answered,

“Well, anyone interested in giving Alvin a kidney has to have O+ or O- blood and then-”

“I’m O+. He can have my kidney.”

I was shocked. This sweet woman is the mother of three wonderful, energetic children. Her husband is in Baghdad, Iraq serving his country and she wanted to donate a kidney, give the gift of life to my husband. Yes, I was stunned. I gave her the transplant nurse’s phone number and felt a small spark of hope. The chance that she was a match was slim to none.

We received a call from the transplant team today. She’s a perfect match!

Oh, how we’ve prayed for this moment. How often I’ve poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father begging for strength, for courage, to be the kind of wife my husband deserved. I begged for the restoration of his health. I begged for him to healed. I simply begged, morning, noon and night.

Sometimes the answers are not what we expect them to be. But I can assure you that faith plays a huge part in a real live miracle.

In Moroni 10, verses 20-23 we read:

Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity.

And except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; neither can ye be saved in the kingdom of God if ye have not faith; neither can ye if ye have no hope.

And if ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity.

And Christ truly said unto our fathers: If ye have faith ye can do all things which are expedient unto me. (Moroni 10:20-23)

All things are possible with God. This I know of a certainty.

I testify the trials and tribulations we go through can be turned to our advantage, making us better, stronger and more capable servants of God. We can curl up in a little ball and simply weep for the pain in our hearts. And believe me, there are times when I have done that. But I know, for there is not one shred of doubt, that we are in the hands and hearts of a loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. There is not a moment when a strand of hair falls from our heads that They do not know.

Had I the choice, my husband would have been healed seven years ago. Completely. Unequivocally. His health restored as if nothing had ever happened was my desire. It was not His answer.

I can only begin to see the growth in the two of us which has occurred because of Alvin’s ill health. I can only begin to appreciate emotional highs and extreme lows. I can tell you this . . . life is much harder to handle when you do not turn your burdens over to the Lord. For He will lighten those burdens, walk with you, so that you may grow closer to Him every step on that very difficult path. He will encourage you, lift you, guide you . . . and never will He turn away. Nor will I ever turn from Him.

About Candace

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