Looking around at some married couples, I’ve noticed something recently. Those couples who seem happiest are those who serve together. I have no scientific basis for this; it’s simply my own observation. I’ve begun to look back at my own marriage and realize that some of the most joyful times were those times in which we were serving together.
I was a youth leader for many years for Camp Fire Boys and Girls. This was a time when my husband was working two jobs to support us, yet he always seemed to be around to support me in my efforts with the children. Field trips, candy sales, award ceremonies—you name it, we did it together.
When I was Primary President at church (leader of the children’s Sunday school), my counselors (assistants) referred to my husband as the “secret counselor” because he was always available to support us in our efforts with the children. Many Primary activities were successful in large part to my husband’s efforts to help us set up, take down, and supervise children.
My husband was in church Elders Quorum presidencies on three separate occasions, and I helped out when I could. When they didn’t have enough people to help someone move, I made phone calls to encourage elders to come help. There were several church activities that the Elders Quorum was in charge of planning, and I helped with the planning.
When I was president of the women’s organization (Relief Society) for our ward (local congregation), my husband was always in the background. If I needed to travel into new neighborhoods, my husband was there giving me directions, and usually rode with me to keep me safe in some areas where safety was an issue. He was my unofficial calendar of events secretary, and made sure that I was always where I needed to be when I needed to be there. I couldn’t share confidential information with him, but often I would bounce ideas off of him for lesson plans or activities.
We’ve held four different joint callings in church; ward co-activities director, Young Single Adult cooks for weekly dinners prior to Wednesday night religion class, Stake (think diocese) part-time missionaries, and very recently, co-employment specialists for our ward. We enjoy these joint callings, as it gives us a chance to serve together. It is a wonderful opportunity to work together as a couple for one great goal.
Serving together allows us to spend quality time together, which is always fun. It’s like a date—and we don’t even have to spend any money. Service in itself is always rewarding, but there is nothing like the feeling of sharing that with the most important person in your life. Sharing the service also teaches us to work with each other, which often helps us work together in other areas of our relationship. It’s like a free college family psychology class, minus the professor.
My mother was my Dad’s unpaid insurance secretary for a number of years, and I remember people asking her how they worked together all day and then came home to their marriage. She would roll her eyes, or shrug her shoulders and ask them why they thought it would be a problem. What’s not to like about being with your best friend 24/7? Mom was serving my Dad by providing free secretarial service when he couldn’t afford to pay for a secretary. Together they were providing service to my Dad’s clients. Later, when my Dad became ill, she provided service for him if he felt ill in the office. She even went so far as to take the life, health, and accidental death insurance examinations so that if Dad was too ill to go on an appointment, she could fill in for him. That is the kind of service that builds marriages.
If we are married, we and our spouse can be unified in purpose and action. We can allow our unique qualities to complement one another as we face challenges together and grow in love and understanding. We can also be unified with other family members and with members of the Church by serving together, teaching one another, and encouraging one another (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, “Unity”).
I can personally attest to the fact that when a couple serves together, they become unified in purpose and action. Isn’t that the point of marriage? We are supposed to be growing together and learning how to be eternal partners, unified in purpose and action.
And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another (Mosiah 18:21).
I have always loved the phrase “knit together in unity and in love one towards another.” While this scripture in Mosiah isn’t really about marriage, it certainly applies. Anything that I can do to make my marriage knit together in unity and in love, I’m willing to do. I’m a firm believer that serving others with your partner strengthens marriage.
Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.
Twitter •
