So, in sports like basketball, football, tennis, rugby, etc., there is a coach–a person who stands there and helps guide the team through each move. Often there is strategy, conditioning, and training accompanying that coach. So, what if you had the chance to meet with a coach for the sport of dating? What would that be like? What training and strategizing would you experience? Well not to worry, I recently had the chance to sit down with one myself. It is now my purpose to share the game plan with the rest of my single teammates.

Just like aMormon Dating locker room pep talk, my experience with a dating coach came with all the cheer and pep a person could stand. He mentioned things like “You are quality! You can do this!” Around every corner of our chat it was one more compliment or encouraging word about how I could not only play the game, but I could be an Olympic winner.

During the course of the pep talk, coach even had me do some training and conditioning. He asked me when the last time was that I had flirted with a guy. Since I couldn’t remember, he became quite concerned and shocked me by inviting me to participate in a role play where I had to pretend to flirt. (Just so you know I had met the man approximately 30 minutes before and he was in fact married…. do you see how that might have been hard to accomplish!?!)

I won’t spare you any details. He got out a remote and pretended that I am over at his house watching a movie. He says, “Ok. Flirt with me.” On the spot I came up with some half-hearted attempt to do something, thinking that it would satisfy his demands, but just like any good coach he pushed me further. He said something along the lines of, “Wow! Ok, so how do you think that went?” (Code for Aye! Aye! Aye!) He then had me repeat the practice four more times until he felt I was getting somewhere, albeit not as far as he would have wished.

Next, he helped me to strategize my next conversation with a guy. Said he, “you need to be coy” For any out there who don’t know what that means, in summary it is to be artfully shy. He proceeded to show me ways to do so.

One way, which was eye-opening to learn, is that you are supposed to act aloof and unaware of a person you are talking to and engaging with. Specifically, the game plan was to avoid answering the question by pretending not to hear it being asked. If the guy asks you for the remote, stare at the television as if no language has been communicated, or pretend that you hear like a teenager, very selectively. Or, if you do acknowledge the question, be sure to answer it indirectly. For example, if someone asks you to pass the remote you might say something like, “Oh, you want this?”

Third in the strategy was to be as touchy as possible. According to coach’s experience, a chemical reaction happens to a male when they experience physical touch. Mentioned were specific places to touch them, for example, the elbow, the shoulder, and the hand. Included in the touch category was to sit as close as possible to the guy you aren’t interested in if the guy you are interested in is in the room with you. I’m not exactly sure what that accomplished, but I’m sure that any player is confused by their coach at some point or another during training.

Finally, coach suggested that you should always appear busy and leave quickly. For example, if a guy invites you to come over for some activity you should have your friend call and tell you that you have some important reason why you need to leave. Then, when you leave, be unclear about where you are going. Create mystery and uncertainty in the fellow’s mind. Make him wonder.

To be honest, I found myself laughing, sometimes even out loud during this training session. Many times I felt like all of these ploys would be fake and unnatural for me, but like the definition says, it is an art. For the past week or so I have been practicing my art. After I gather more data a full report shall be provided. In the meantime now you all have access to the same game plan. Men, this may explain some of the strange behavior of the women around you. Women, this may help you progress in forming relationships. Only time will tell!

About Ashley Dewey
Ashley Dewey is extremely talented at being single. Hobbies include awkward conversations with members of the opposite sex, repelling third dates, talking to boys about their girl problems and to girls about their boy problems. In her spare time she also has a very fulfilling school life, work life, and social life. Besides being a professional single, Ashley is also a BYU graduate with a degree in linguistics (Aka word nerd). She enjoys studying other languages, particularly American Sign Language, and finds most all of them fascinating. She is currently pursuing a masters degree in Teaching English as a Second Language. Ashley works most of the time and has often been accused of being a workaholic. Currently she works full time as a merchandiser and supervisor in a retail store, and part time doing social media work. On her day off she works (really it doesn't feel like work) in the Provo LDS temple. The only kind of work she finds difficulty focusing on is house work. Her favorite activities in her free time are reading, writing, creating social experiments, and spending time with great friends and family. Specific activities with those family and friends include: going to concerts, plays, dance recitals, BYU basketball and football games, and watching sports on television.

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