As a single adult of a certain age many question if I am really doing all that I can to get married. For the past several days I have been experiencing an internal conflict. Although highly active online, and with technology, there is one app that I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around: Tinder. To be honest my opinion on the matter was formed very quickly. However, what I did not expect was that nearly everyone was in disagreement with me.
As I sat on my bed chatting with my former mission companion one day, we talked about how life was going a little differently than we had planned. With a sudden turn she said, “Sister Dewey will you pray to know if you should get a Tinder” I laughed out loud and thought she was joking. After a few more minutes of discussion I realized she was quite serious. It seemed in her mind that it was every single adult’s answered prayer. She even committed me to pray right there in front of her. (I think I reminded her of the insincere investigator. You know, the kind of prayer that wasn’t very heartfelt because I already made up my mind). My prayer went something like this, “Heavenly Father, Mariana told me to ask you if Tinder was something I should do. I have absolutely no desire to even consider the matter. If you really want me to use this, it will take a giant slap across the face because I am not convinced. Amen”
Since I was pretty shocked by her reaction I found myself talking with my roommate about it. Surprisingly, she also felt that it was a good thing. She even took out her iPad and showed me how it worked. Simply swipe right if you think someone is attractive. From her experience, many good conversations began. She enjoyed talking with each young man. There was one time however that she found herself in a tricky situation. She had set up to meet one of the guys she’d been conversing with. It was a bit late at night. He got the wrong idea and thought she wanted to hook up. They were talking casually when all of a sudden he just grabbed her out of nowhere and started trying to passionately kiss her. That was an awkward encounter.
The next experience came a few weeks later as I was driving home from a work conference. Trying to put out my feelers I asked my coworker what she thought about Tinder. The debate began. She went about her support very passionately. She was confident that it was the best tool that had every happened. She described how she had been in a funk after a bad relationship. She felt that she had to do something to get out of the funk so she tried tinder. It worked for her like a charm. Now, she finds herself in communication with a good man in a different state. She enjoys talking with him and feels hope for the future. She also tried to use the commitment pattern on me not only to pray about it, but to join up right then. She volunteered to help me.
Finally I was talking with a new couple in my ward who is thinking about getting married. I asked them their story. Wouldn’t you know it, all though they live on the same block in the same town they never would have met without Tinder. As you can imagine praises were being sung because this device worked for them so much that they are now planning a future together.
Even after hearing all of these stories I’m afraid that my opinion is still unchanged. We learn in 1 Samuel 16:7 “for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” To me Tinder skips the heart and go directly to the outward appearance. Let’s be honest with ourselves here, you don’t know anything about the person you are swiping to like. Perhaps also it has something to with being old-fashioned, but I would prefer to meet someone in person and share words and ideas with them which lead to more interest. Said interest would then lead to a guy asking a girl on a date to get to know them. If they have fun on one date, go again until they either stop having fun, or don’t want to date other people. Or maybe there is truth to the accusations I have received; perhaps I really am just stubborn and missing out on a great opportunity. The truth is I think that people should use what works for them. What works for some will not work for others.
Ashley Dewey is extremely talented at being single. Hobbies include awkward conversations with members of the opposite sex, repelling third dates, talking to boys about their girl problems and to girls about their boy problems. In her spare time she also has a very fulfilling school life, work life, and social life. Besides being a professional single, Ashley is also a BYU graduate with a degree in linguistics (Aka word nerd). She enjoys studying other languages, particularly American Sign Language, and finds most all of them fascinating. She is currently pursuing a masters degree in Teaching English as a Second Language. Ashley works most of the time and has often been accused of being a workaholic. Currently she works full time as a merchandiser and supervisor in a retail store, and part time doing social media work. On her day off she works (really it doesn't feel like work) in the Provo LDS temple. The only kind of work she finds difficulty focusing on is house work. Her favorite activities in her free time are reading, writing, creating social experiments, and spending time with great friends and family. Specific activities with those family and friends include: going to concerts, plays, dance recitals, BYU basketball and football games, and watching sports on television.