President Gordon B. Hinckley who was the fifteenth President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) once said, “It’s not the big experiences which affect us but the small day by day experiences.” The relationships we create with each other in marriage can be thought of in the same way. Most of the time married couples can deal with the big heartaches which find their way into their married lives but it’s the small day to day experiences of being together through life’s trials as partners, which have a lasting effect. It’s those small nagging utterances or dark feelings we might have towards each other which bring us in grave danger of coming apart.
Married life is not perpetually perfect and at times can be very trying. To this I compare the storms and natural disasters to understand ourselves in relationships. Divorce is prevalent among over half of those getting married and if couples can learn how to weather the storms we face in marriage, divorce might be avoided.
Let’s take a look at our worst disasters in married life:
Volcanoes: Eruption takes time and without a lot of warning lava explodes into the air and continues to spew forth anger before it calms down and we don’t see or hear of anything for a while.
Earthquakes: Earthquakes come abruptly without warning and last a short time until it completely stops. When it’s over, it’s over and the damage is done. It’s time to start cleaning up and healing wounds.
Hurricanes: This storm brews for a while and continues on for days. There are warnings that come a week before but with the hot winds and warm water conditions, the storm continues to churn out of control leaving death and destruction in its path. Cleanup takes many days under difficult conditions but eventually life goes back to normal.
Drought: Communication is dried up. No speaking for long periods of time and no understanding. Crops dry up, the earth becomes hardened and all other living things want to leave the area.
Tornadoes: With unstable winds blowing in different directions, tornadoes spin out of control as they suck in trash and debris along the way and cause destruction in their paths. These twisters can travel long distances with much destruction. When the storm is gone, the cleanup is long and expensive as homes are rebuilt to start all over again.
Linda K. Burton is an incredible leader and served in LDS Church organizations for many years. She is now the Relief Society General President which means she presides over the world wide women’s organization called Relief Society and travels to meet many of its members all over the world as she spreads her messages of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Her talk, “We’ll Ascend Together” in the last General Conference (April of 2015) was brilliant.
In this talk she describes five wise ways in which we can overcome and weather the storms in marriage.
- “Praise your companion, alone and to your children.” Start this before the storms start to brew and this will avoid disaster when you least expect it.
- “Earnestly pray to God to express your love for your companion and thank Him that you are together.” It’s difficult to not like others when we are praying for them. Heavenly Father wants us to get along and be happy. Praying for each other helps couples keep soft hearts for each other.
- “Stop yourself from saying something that is hurtful to your companion.” When used, this idea can prevent a lot of hurt feelings and words spoken out of anger.
- “Apologize and ask forgiveness without adding the words of ‘if only you hadn’t or had’.” Swallowing our pride and apologizing is difficult for many but the feelings that come afterward to a happy and forgiving spouse outweighs any difficultly in reconciling after we sincerely apologize.
- “Choose to be happy rather than demand to be right with your companion.” Hindsight is everything and in most cases when we think about it, being right doesn’t matter.
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Marriage at times is a challenge. We don’t always see eye to eye in all aspects of our life. Regardless of our own means of getting angry with our spouses, we still need to remember that we are companions. Marriage takes a lot of work as a couple to root for each other instead of against. We should keep those happy thoughts of our companions in the forefront and remember to weather the storms that come through our homes.
Valerie Steimle has been writing as a family advocate for over 25 years. As a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she promotes Christian living in her writings and is the mother of nine children and grandmother to twelve. Mrs. Steimle authored six books and is a contributing writer to several online websites. To her, time is the most precious commodity we have and knows we should spend it wisely.
To read more of Valerie's work, visit her at her website, The Blessings of Family Life.
