This article was previously published on Latterdaysaintwoman.com
Reactivation in Primary can be a tricky issue, since you cannot reactivate the child without the permission of the parents. However, you do have one factor strongly on your side: it is very hard for a parent to resist an adult who loves her child. For that reason, love, time, and attention are the most important factors in Primary reactivation.
When you become aware of an inactive child, try to establish some sort of contact with the family. Find out as much as you can about the family, and why they are inactive, by talking to home and visiting teachers, the Primary presidency and the Relief Society and Elder’s quorum leaders. This will allow you to approach the family prepared to meet their needs. Pray for guidance before initiating contact to be sure of the best approach. What follows is only a few suggestions.
One good way to initiate contact is by going to the home with the visiting or home teachers the first time. (If you are a woman, go with the visiting teacher.) Meet the parents and bring a small gift for the child, such as some stickers and the supplies for the craft you did last Sunday. A small picture of Jesus is also a nice gift. Ask permission to meet the child and to present the gift. (If there are other Primary-age children in the family, you might want to bring enough for everyone.) Then spend the time getting to know the mother so she trusts you.
Ask permission to send a similar packet each week to the child. Tell them if they prefer, you will address it to them so they can review the materials first.
If you are not able to visit, contact the parents before sending things to the child, using email or a telephone call. This allows you to get an answer to your request to send materials.
In your first letter, tell the child how much she is missed and that you hope she will come to see you soon. Include the meeting schedule, the address of the building and your name and telephone number.
The second week, again send materials from the lesson, and include a class list. It may be that the child knows some of the LDS children in the class. A picture can help her see who her new friends would be if she came.
The third week, send a letter to the parent telling her you will be calling this week and would love to talk about arranging for the child to visit your Primary. Include a list of the lessons that will be taught over the next month. That way, a parent who has issues with certain doctrine can choose a lesson she is comfortable with. Describe a typical Primary day in case the parent is unfamiliar with the current program. Remember that some of these parents may not have attended church since they were children themselves.
When you call the parent, be gentle and accepting. Many inactive adults have been hurt in the past and may be nervous about this sudden attention, particularly attention directed to their child. Offer to visit again so you can get to know the parents and child better. You may want to bring another Primary teacher–one who teaches a sibling–or a member of the Primary presidency with you. Tell the mother you will stay no more than fifteen minutes unless she invites you to stay longer and that you will bring with you the lesson manual and any information she might want to have. Tell her someone will come with you on the visit. Having another adult along makes the visit easier and doubles the amount of spiritual prompting available. It is difficult to predict what sort of person the parent will respond to, so the second adult may be better able to work with the parent.
When you visit and extend an invitation to Primary (which could be made and signed by your students), invite the parent to attend Primary with her child once or twice so that she can see for herself what is taught and what is done in Primary. Promise to meet the family at church and to sit with them in Sacrament Meeting. Find out if the parent has any particular concerns. If the parent seems interested in returning, describe your plans for the coming class and also tell the parent what will happen in sharing time.
If you learn the child has special needs, invite the parent to help you plan to successfully include the child in your class. Parents whose children are disabled often worry that their child will be unwelcome. If you show yourself to be comfortable and loving, you are more likely to have success with this child than with any other.
If the parent is reluctant, or does not want to return to church, thank her for letting you call or visit and ask permission to continue sending letters, cards, the craft or handouts to the child. You might also, if things seem to be going well, ask permission to visit again periodically, promising to always call first. If you and the parent are the same gender and get along well, ask if you can visit her again just as a friend. You might even ask about becoming her visiting teacher. Creating a sincere friendship often leads the parent to eventually return. You must win over the parent to get the child back, but it must be done through sincere love.
Be sure to spend some time with the child if she is there. Ask her questions about herself and invite her to show you her favorite toys. Let her know there is someone at church who cares about her.
To read more articles by Terrie Bittner, please click here.
Talk about this child to the other students. Often some of them go to school with inactive children. Each week, when I take roll, I point out the children who did not come and express my sorrow for their absence. Sometimes the children pass this information along to the child and often they can reactivate the child themselves. When the child does return, the children are familiar with the name, and happy to see the child. Consider setting up a chair for each child on your list and making sure the children know how sad you are that any seat is empty.
Each name on your roll belongs to one of Heavenly Father’s children. Help them find their way back home.
The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.
