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A few years ago, I sent the following email to the parents of my Primary students:

Hi Parents,
Mormon PrimaryI was so nervous about getting a new calling (I’m not being released from old ones) that I forgot my Primary bag, so you didn’t get a letter today. If you want to know what the lesson said to teach, check If you want to know what we really learned, read on. It was one of our more interesting days. Names have been removed to protect the parents–the kids could care less!

1. The official topic was “I am thankful for food and clothing.” This was to include a discussion of how we get food and clothing from plants and animals.

2. Much of our time was spent correcting false doctrine:
a. Cotton candy is not made from cotton.
b. McDonald’s does not have french fry trees.
c. Chocolate milk does not come from brown cows.
d. God does not place food directly on grocery store shelves.
e. Even though some of things our clothes are made from are grown, we cannot grow clothes pre-made.
f. Chocolate cake does too count as junk food.

3. I’ve taught long enough to know to skip the part of the lesson about where meat comes from. (You’re welcome to teach that part at home, but I’ve traumatized many Sunbeams in my time trying to teach it because it’s in the book.) I stuck to milk and eggs as the contributions of animals. One child did say hamburgers come from cows, and another child said it was very nice of cows to share their hamburgers with us. I changed the subject.

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4. Those parents studying to be dentists are doing a great job. All the children know all about cavities, and those who didn’t do now.

5. The tablecloth that comes in the Primary bags was wrinkled. We got a detailed lesson on how to iron and why. Some of you are very tidy people.

These are the days I remember why I love Primary. Not one of you had as much fun in class as we did!

Love, Terrie

About Terrie Lynn Bittner
The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.

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