I wish everyone could have their dreams come true early on in their life. That was my luck or blessing. I found myself in the home of my dreams with the husband of my dreams and three or four children. I had “made it” before age 25. Life should have been grand. I had everything I ever wanted, and I was miserable. It was such a surprise! I felt utterly lost. How can I have it all and feel like this?
We all long for tangible and intangible things to make us happy. Like Tevia in Fiddler on the Roof, we don’t have to be unfaithful to see the value of wealth and wish for that curse, “and may I never recover.”
Just because others misuse wealth or don’t appreciate the blessings they have doesn’t mean we’d do the same. But here I was, with everything I needed or thought I needed, and I wasn’t happy at all. This didn’t add up to me. What was wrong?
This experience that lasted months spurred a search for happiness spanning about 15 years. This is not a story of someone who came to know God. I already knew him. I was cradled by him. My story is a search by someone who knows God, or I thought I did. Someone who believes in Christ. Someone who had all the answers at my fingertips and still managed to be unhappy.
Can you be faithful and unhappy at the same time?
I have to say a resounding, YES YOU CAN!
Why, why did I think that being faithful meant being always happy? I don’t know. I am not sure where that belief crept into my expectations. Looking happy is not always being happy. Sure, an actor on a stage can always be happy. A fictional character can always be happy. But, fallible human beings are not always happy no matter how faithful they are. That has to be okay.
And, I’m happy to say, THANK HEAVEN FOR UNHAPPINESS.
Unhappiness is what led me to search for what I was missing. I was apparently missing something. Something had to be wrong, right?, because I was unhappy. I smile as I write this knowing that many people probably see clearly what I could not. And that is okay. We are all at different points on the path. And, I couldn’t see. But I could feel that there was more, much, much more.
And, I’m happy to report that–I was right!